Lifetime..

Most people usually have many paths to follow and many ways to follow that path in their lifetime.. Some people just follow one.. Either way, some of us do not care to know where other people come from and how their path has come to cross theirs.. Here we all are, if you're reading this it means our paths have crossed at some point in our lifetimes.. Are you asleep at the wheel or are you aware? Do you care to know where I am going? Do you know where you are going? Are you racing through your life time to win whatever it is that you're rushing for? Here we are..

Guns of the real patriots

Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, or anyone printed on American bills did not have to raise a gun TO PROVE that they're American and that they're willing to fight for their country. They did it with guts, character, and intelligence.

All this talk about guns, it's ownership, and ridiculous catch 21 scenarios against the president we have elected as a nation in the eve of Christmas after a tragic act of violence against innocent lives just proves that we are scared, we have lost our pride in one another, and that this nation needs to wake up..

No one will ever take what's rightfully ours, if its truly ours.. Our self imposed right of taking everything for granted is making us weak and tearing us apart. It's not about guns, it's not even about being right or wrong.. It's about being there for one another.. As a son, daughter, siblings, father, mother, friend, and most importantly as an AMERICAN.

Vivere militare est

To live is to fight.. Life is uncertain, death is most certain.. Fill everything in between with things you could be proud of.. Don't ever let anyone think you don't deserve what you have, and own up and learn from your mistakes.. To live is to fight! Fight with honor, fight with class, fight til' your bones collapse..

There was a time...

June 8th, 2008.. The day to forget, and the day my life changed.. The following months after that were the hardest I have ever experienced in my entire life. Guns and Roses rendition of the Bob Dylan song "knocking on heavens door" takes me back to those days.. Days of insanity, days of hopelessness, days of self destruction..

Its true when they say that one of the ways to appreciate life to the fullest is to almost die.. There was a time when I lived life and never saw what I was throwing away.. There was a time when I came one inch to dying.. There will be a time when those things will make me a stronger man.

Stay wide awake

Not literally sleeping.. But in a state of letting everything happen as I choose not to do anything about it.. I have never liked that feeling.. I want to matter, I want to succeed, I want to make a dent in this world.. As insignificant as it could possibly be, I want to know I did it.. I'm up, and wide awake..

The end

Machiavelli wrote "the end justifies the means".. He wrote that in order to teach a prince how to properly fight during a war.. With the end in mind at all times and doing whatever necessary to accomplish that.. The end.

He explains that if the prince is ignorant of the end he can neither be respected by the soldiers nor trust them. Therefore, he must both practice and study this art.

My end of the journey is still many years ahead of me, but that does not mean its unreachable.. I must think about it everyday, and ask myself "what means am I doing today that will get me closer to the end?" Every movement, every action, every day.. The end is coming.

Reminder

This is to you.. The one writing this.. Never forget who you were, are, and what you want to do.. You left home when you were 17 to prove that the world is there to be taken.. At 20, you rose above everyone to become a leader amongst the elite in the Marines.. At 24 you had it all and lost it all but you did not lose who you were.. At 28 not only did you lose it all again, you gained perspective in life.. At 30 you are training your butt off to prove the world once again that it will have to do a lot better to get rid of you.. In the next few years not only will you gain it all again, YOU WILL KNOW that all of it was was worth it.. Hang in there.. Your time is coming.. But not yet.. Your biggest fight approaches.. Look at it in the face and own it!!

Piano sonata No. 14 Moonlight

Loved skiing to this truly mesmerizing song this morning..

This piece of art from Beethoven is much like smooth skiing..

Beethoven wrote "Si deve suonare tutto questo pezzo delicatissimamente e senza sordino" ("One must play this whole piece very delicately and without dampers.")

It helps to have the proper kick wax..

Atlas Shrugged protagonist

I am an Ayn Rand novels fan.. My favorite in particular is Atlas Shrugged.

In Atlas Shrugged Ayn Rand tells the story of how a group of radicals led by a very smart and capable man change the world that has been used up by greedy, lazy, and self righteous individuals that control everything.

One can say that Dagny Taggart is the main protagonist of the novel, but others can make the point that John Galt is the true protagonist. I think it is those who the novel refers a lot but they never seem to make an appearance. I am talking about the citizens of that world.

They are the true protagonist because without them, Dagny would not have her selfless deeper purpose, John would not have anyone to save, and the story would lose its sentiment for the love of humanity and what it would take to get it back from those to attempt to own what rightfully belongs to everyone..

Objectivism.. (I dare you to call me unequal)

"You seek escape from pain. We seek the achievement of happiness. You exist for the sake of avoiding punishment. We exist for the sake of earning rewards. Threats will not make us function; fear is not our incentive. It is not death that we wish to avoid, but life that we wish to live. You, who have lost the concept of the difference, you who claim that fear and joy are incentives of equal power—and secretly add that fear is the more “practical”—you do not wish to live, and only fear of death still holds you to the existence you have damned." Ayn Rand

31 years ago..

Being a father is something I desire.. Being an absent father it is not.. My father was in his early twenties when he conceived me..

I don't know much about the man except the fact that once adversity showed its face instead of pushing through he left..

I was in my twenties when life changing adversity showed its face, and even though I really don't know what the future holds for me, I know I can't just quit.

It has been almost 31 years of my existence.. To this day, and after multiple combat tours in the Marines I can honestly say that I am not scared of dying.. I am scared of not being remembered by anyone.

Values

Ayn Rand wrote "Values are the motivating power of man’s actions and a necessity of his survival, psychologically as well as physically."

What do I consider a value? Anything that makes me who I truly am.. It is impossible to fake a value.. It must come from within me in order to be true..

Life endurance.. The greatest of my values.. One that I'm proud of.. And one that I intend to put to the test.

Pain

A masochistic is a person that enjoys to receive and/or to inflict pain.  In the Marines they say that pain is weakness leaving the body. In skiing, pain is a byproduct of performance.  Even one of my coaches tells me that you must love to go to what she calls "the pain cave".

I like that kind of good pain.  Pain is one of the few feelings that you know will return great dividends of performance. And I don't know how everyone feels about this but I would not trust someone that has never felt pain in their life..  I am talking the kind of pain that once it sets in you can not help it but to smile.. Smile because you know you freakin' love it, and you have proven to YOURSELF that nothing can stop you.

Paradigm

Thinking back..  One of the best leaders I have ever had in the Marines once told me a story..  A man rides in a train with three of his children.  He sits quietly looking in the distance.  The children play loudly and are jumping all over the place.  The rest of the people in the train look at the children and are bothered by the fact that the man is not doing anything to control his children. Finally, another man approaches the father and demands him to control his children.  The father responds "I am sorry if my children are bothering you..  Its just that they just lost their mother and I wanted them to experience something they had never experienced so I brought them to ride a train for the first time."

The story exemplifies the notion that NO ONE should judge anyone by their own paradigm (worldview or point of view).  Everyone is fighting a war.  Everyone deserves a chance to fight it.

Empiricism

Nothing EXISTS if your senses cannot detect them..

Success can not be achieved without enjoying your craft..

True story..

On the matter of forgetting

A big part of what makes me is my grandfather Mariano Ochoa.. The reason for that is that when I was growing up and way prior to my military experience, he was the only one in my family that actually would go out of his way to educate me and instill character in me.. He would tell me "tuck in your shirt" "speak proper" and "respect others".. He was a hero in my eyes. He lived a life the likes of the movie goodfellas.. He had a rough beginning but then joined the Mexican cavalry, where he was an enlisted men. He did not like guns, and did his talking with his fists as he was a golden gloves amateur boxer, and I remember him showing me his cavalry sword that seemed when I was younger bigger and heavier than myself. After his time in service he went to school where he seek a career as a news reporter. He made it out with honors and worked for one of the biggest news outlets in Mexico, even to this day. He drove the coolest cars, and knew
everyone that could call themselves somebody back in those days.

All this I found out from other people because he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a decade ago.

Now he lives in a hospice, where him and my grandmother basically spend most of their days together, but he does not remember her or anyone for that matter.

He is such an interesting man, yet without the ability to tell anyone anything it makes me sad, and it fuels me with rage sometimes.

At times I think.. What if God was diagnosed with Alzheimer's?? Why did it made such a sad disease? I don't know.. All I know is that if I ever just begin to remotely fall in my grandfathers shoes, I know I would make a difference in this world. For you CoCo!! I will not quit!! I swear..

Emotions

Control your emotions!! its what everyone tells you all the time..

I think emotions are our own body and mind acting up on itself to survive or achieve our most deepest goals..

If I feel sad.. I will feel sad.. If I feel content.. I will feel content.. And if I feel like winning a Paralympic medal.. Well for that it takes more than a couple of emotions.. It takes ALL of them..

Be yourself

As I was completing my homework and talking to friends, my computer spilled out a great song.  Audioslave's "Be yourself".  This is such a good tune and it needs to be appreciated more in my personal opinion.

The song itself goes back and forth from polarizing life events that could happen to any given person, and then threads right through the middle with the chorus of "Be yourself, it's all you can do".

This song needs to be appreciated because it is so true.  Sometimes life puts you through some obstacles that are just too great for anyone to understand or even grasp at all.  When this sort of things happen, at least in my experiences, we try to change ourselves in order to correct what is in front of us but we only make it worse.  This song exemplifies the notion that sometimes is better to be ourselves and push through the pain than to become something else and hurt while being confused at the same time.

The best lyrics of this song are:

"Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose, but to be yourself is all that you can do"

A lesson of life by way of skiing

My coaches tell me all the time..  "slow down, slooooow down!"  Which to me it has been one of the hardest things I have had to do.  The reason for this in my opinion is that no one has ever really told me that before.  Quick life recap: As a child, the fastest I got from school to home the more time I could spend playing soccer, pogs, or video games.  As an adolescent, living in Grand Rapids Michigan, I always had to rush to avoid the blistering cold or humidity, and finally as a young adult in the Marines where they constantly tell you that you should say to yourself all the time "Im up, they see me, Im down!!", well my whole life I have spent it in the driver seat of the most Mexican Nascar car the world has ever seen. (think about it)

Its funny but it's so true.  The slowest you go, the faster you are..  In Nordic skiing, and in life as well.

Willpower

A quote by Ayn Rand reads: "every man is free to rise as far as he's able or willing, but the degree to which he thinks determines the degree to which he'll rise.”

This quote to me means a lot for a couple of reasons. First, willpower will get me places but without training or expanding my mind the capacity of my will will always stay at the same level. Second, and what I think it's most important, is that i think willpower is one of the most powerful tools a man can ever have.. If its true willpower. Willpower can not be brought or mixed by retribution of the mind, or else it fails.

Retribution is when a man does something to correct a wrong doing in their life, thus fuels himself with negative thoughts that in turn might seem like willpower but its not. Willpower ends where the gun begins.

Philanthropic nordic madness

As I was competing in my first ever 15k classic cross country race, there was a ton of people cheering for me and giving me mental propulsion to keep going forward.. Needless to say it felt really good.

After I finished it came to me that Cross country skiing is one of the only sports I have ever competed that pretty much everyone wants you to do good no matter what you represent, come from, or even if you are in the same competing field.

Philanthropy means "the love human life". It is great to know that in the sport I have chosen people love life as much I do. It makes me content and it makes me look forward to many other races to come.

Selfishness

My whole life I have been tough that if you don't take something somebody else will..  That of course is very true when you are actually able to take whatever is there to be taken.  If there is no a way to obtain what you need I believe you have two options, work hard and eventually put yourself in a position to get what you need or be jealous of those who have what you need and hate them for it..

The latter of those options is the base for all selfishness..  Life, for some weird reason, will always give you what you need, but if you are brought up being jealous of other people's accomplishments or possessions once you are able to possesses those things you no longer own those things, those things own you, thus slaving you.  Freedom is not just given.. Freedom is taken..  And it takes a lot of work to obtain it.

Let the good times ROLL!!!

The first time I ever put on cross country skis I knew I loved the sport.  Well after a summer of hard training and a bunch of skate rollerskiing I kind of forgot the feeling it first brought me..  Until now.  Today I did my first official classic sprint and it just clicked!!  I did not have the best of times, which at this point it does not really matter to me, but I had a blast doing it.  Give me more!!!  MORE I said!!  It's on, its freakin' on like donkey kong!!!

The purpose of life

Life..  What a disaster.. Right?  Well,  I think that depends from which side you look at it.

Purpose..  Is what makes you get up every morning..  Is it?

The purpose of life is to learn not to suffer and die, but enjoy yourself and LIVE.. Even if my life is a disaster, by everything I got in me, I enjoy getting up..  And will do so until my last dying breath.

Sanction of the victim

For far too long WE try to matter when we should be humble.  For far too long WE speak when we should listen.  For far too long WE let other people guide us when they have no idea where they going themselves.  For far too long we LET people hurt us when WE should make ourselves happy.  Of course, none of this could happen without ourselves letting them do it, so are WE to share the blame?  WE did, WE do, WE will.

S. S. S. S. (the storm is coming)

Patience, Respect, Honesty, and Trust respectively...  I have had my share of disappointing outcomes in each of those categories, but the ones that hurt the most is the disappointment other people has brought into my life.


To me, Love has been hard to define since no one ever told me "how to love"...  So in other words I had to find out just how cruel love can be before I could see whats what.


I know Im not perfect in any way, but I know that I have given love all I could have given so far, so im in peace with it.


People are driven by disappointment all the time, and I'm not one to break the mold.  The following is a poem I wrote about my relationships at one of my weak, mad and wild moments at the end of my last relationship.  This poem shows a side of me I never want to experience ever again.


S. S. S. S (the storm is coming)


"Take me, take me" is what I said,
in return I loved you until it hurt my head,
i didnt mind you under my skin,
I let the your bad parts in,
and made them my own skin.


You declared that our life was a test,
and that you would point out all of my mistakes,
if there really is a poor saint writing all of our sins,
he would take you down to hell first.


Good bye my love,
why are you running?
Is it because the judgement is coming?
As I stare down on top of the world,
just know that you were my storm...


The storm is coming,
Your storm is coming in.

Training day #149

It has been 149 days since I started working out to be an elite Cross Country Skier/Biathlon athlete.  There has been its ups and downs but overall the experience has helped me realize so much about myself and how to deal with everything life has thrown my way.

 Working out involves an incredible amount of running and roller skiing, the nutrition is brutally healthy, intervals are one the more bodily taxing things I have ever done, however the places, views, and people I have had the chance to meet are incredible and totally outweigh the sore and tired muscles I constantly have.

The thing that I am more thankful for is the stress the sport has helped me relief.  I feel like my mind is finally back to where it should be, looking forward to the future and accomplishing things that are worth accomplishing and getting rewarded for the hard work. 

Here are some of the photos for the month of June 2012

Temptation and those who bring it

Throughout this last weekend I have experienced what at first thought it would be a good weekend with new friends but it turned out to be something very disappointing.


There are times when you bend your back backwards for people that in turn offer you nothing in return but the things that can destroy your dreams.


I could have lived a life where I just sit on a couch and let my life slip away or get up everyday and try to do something very unlikely.  I desire the latter... beer, pot, girls, and sex come second to the fulfillment of my right to live.  I might be poor, broken, ugly, boring, or even dumb but at least I know what I want.

Life as it comes... Straight no chaser

As I was going in an easy run today I listened to one of my early favorite bands Bush.  Their Song Straight No chaser is pretty amazing and it brought some pretty good spirited thoughts as I listened to it.


This song relates to me now because of the way I have to look at life after my accident.  I remember laying in the hospital bed thinking "just what am I going to do with my life now?". Well it took about two years to find out that, just like the song says "drink life as it comes... Straight no chaser", I have to move on and find a different calling in my life and just go with it.


The last part of "keep on driving, hair left morning wet" relaxes me.  It tells me to keep going no matter what.  Good Song.


Straight No chaser by Bush

Always be there, face I live with

Always be there, face I live with
Abscess memory with broken fingers
All the fallen down angels, Raw pain distress

It's all in the way we know that we could have it all
Some satellites of pain can't always be ignored
War on all sides, war on all sides

Drink life as it comes, straight no chaser
Life as it comes, straight no chaser
Climb inside you away from strangers
Building a system of alleys and motorways

It's all in the way we know that we could have it all
Some satellites of pain can't always be ignored
It's all in the face of what we thought we knew before
War on all sides, war on all sides, war on all sides

Keep on driving, hair left morning wet
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you

Creep

During my OD run I listened to Korn's rendition of Radiohead's Creep.  Other than being blown away by the amount of feeling Jonathan Davis puts into the song, the lyrics hit me very profoundly.   My favorite part is "But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."  As I run shirtless in order to get over my image issues, I see people in the trail looking at me, not in a bad way but just rightfully surprised, the lyrics hit me in a way not to feel sorry about myself but sarcastically good.  The third verse reminds me a lot of my relationship life, but again I get a feeling of sarcastic vindication though it and through out the whole song.


Creep by Korn


When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
You're so fuckin' special


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.


I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.


She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.


Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special,


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.

The design of no-design

If someone had told me when I was 17 than in a little more than a decade I would be in the middle of nowhere literally running for my life, training to make the US biathlon team I would laugh hysterically, go home and go about my day.


The funny thing about that is that even though I would dismiss the idea, I really had no other idea of what I wanted to do.  My father was gone, my mom was just way too stressed to think or counsel me about what was I suppose to do after I graduated high school, and at that pivotal point in my life, as I am sure many other young people were, the military really sounded like the best thing to do.


My odd upbringing, and the military were a potent combination to provide me with nothing but the notion that I was by myself.  Myself to succeed or fail.


The military did shape the way I carry myself around as far as pulling my weight, however, the knowledge of what kind of weight I should carry and just how much was never thought to me by anyone.  So in other words, I pulled my own weight like a donkey carries a load... Whatever it is, just put it on me and I will carry it until my back breaks.


So what happens when the back breaks but you still a young donkey?  Well if I was a donkey, I would probably be two things: dead or at a petting zoo.  I am not dead, or in a petting zoo and I am certainly not a donkey.  I am the result of a design of no-design, and I AM free to make it my own.

A short story

I was born January 6^th, 1982 in Guadalajara, Mexico.  My parents were poor for the most part of my child hood.  We lived in the makeshift second story of my grandmother’s house.  This second story consisted of only one room in which the dining table and the sleeping beds were almost next to each other.

In my parent’s pursuit to afford a better living, both of them decided to leave me and my sisters behind while they embarked in a journey to Grand Rapids, Michigan.  My sisters and I were left behind in the care of my grandmother that afforded her living in the door to door pesticide business which she had developed herself and at that time we were helping her perform.

After one year of staying behind, my parents finally came back and were able to take us with them.  When we got to the United States my sisters and I did not know how to speak or write any English, however we were able to attend school right away.

My parents gradually started to earn more money and were able to afford a house and at the age of sixteen I finally had my own room.

Some of my parent’s differences and the inability of my father to put his Mexican engineering degree to work for him in the United States ultimately led to my parent’s divorce when I was seventeen.

Without a father and with a very emotionally tired and depressed mother in the eve of the end of my high school years in 1999 I decided to join the United States Marine Corps.

Within the first years of my military career, I discovered responsibility, discipline, and purpose and I was sold.  I was one of the best new Marines my command had ever seen.  I won multiple personal achievement medals and moved through the ranks fairly quickly.

I re- enlisted twice when I was in the military, held many key responsibilities within my command, and was deployed to Iraq four times for a total of almost two and a half years spent deployed overseas while in combat operations.

In June 2008, while riding my motorcycle back to the military base I was stationed, I lost control and crashed against a guard rail in the road ultimately leaving me with the inability to move and feel my right dominant arm.

I underwent three very invasive surgeries to repair my right arm which along with the recovery phase and physical therapy lasted a total of three years and ultimately failed. Throughout the duration of those years my arm was constantly in a very large and bothersome sling.

Finally, in December of 2011 my doctors suggested to have my arm amputated shoulder height to which I accepted.

In February of 2012, while attending physical therapy, one of the therapists recommended to get in contact with Robert Rosser, one of the U.S. Biathlon paralympic coaches, to see if I could find recovery aid in his program.  I got in contact with Robert Rosser and he invited me to an event in Lake Placid, New York in which he thought me along with other coaches the basics of the adaptive biathlon, and cross country skiing event.  All of the coaches agreed that I had natural talent in the sport and asked me to approach organizations to help me train and compete in future events. 

I am currently in development team of competive U.S. biathlon and cross country team, and going from event to event until 2014...  Winter Olympics, in Russia...