The design of no-design

If someone had told me when I was 17 than in a little more than a decade I would be in the middle of nowhere literally running for my life, training to make the US biathlon team I would laugh hysterically, go home and go about my day.


The funny thing about that is that even though I would dismiss the idea, I really had no other idea of what I wanted to do.  My father was gone, my mom was just way too stressed to think or counsel me about what was I suppose to do after I graduated high school, and at that pivotal point in my life, as I am sure many other young people were, the military really sounded like the best thing to do.


My odd upbringing, and the military were a potent combination to provide me with nothing but the notion that I was by myself.  Myself to succeed or fail.


The military did shape the way I carry myself around as far as pulling my weight, however, the knowledge of what kind of weight I should carry and just how much was never thought to me by anyone.  So in other words, I pulled my own weight like a donkey carries a load... Whatever it is, just put it on me and I will carry it until my back breaks.


So what happens when the back breaks but you still a young donkey?  Well if I was a donkey, I would probably be two things: dead or at a petting zoo.  I am not dead, or in a petting zoo and I am certainly not a donkey.  I am the result of a design of no-design, and I AM free to make it my own.