The purpose of life

Life..  What a disaster.. Right?  Well,  I think that depends from which side you look at it.

Purpose..  Is what makes you get up every morning..  Is it?

The purpose of life is to learn not to suffer and die, but enjoy yourself and LIVE.. Even if my life is a disaster, by everything I got in me, I enjoy getting up..  And will do so until my last dying breath.

Sanction of the victim

For far too long WE try to matter when we should be humble.  For far too long WE speak when we should listen.  For far too long WE let other people guide us when they have no idea where they going themselves.  For far too long we LET people hurt us when WE should make ourselves happy.  Of course, none of this could happen without ourselves letting them do it, so are WE to share the blame?  WE did, WE do, WE will.

S. S. S. S. (the storm is coming)

Patience, Respect, Honesty, and Trust respectively...  I have had my share of disappointing outcomes in each of those categories, but the ones that hurt the most is the disappointment other people has brought into my life.


To me, Love has been hard to define since no one ever told me "how to love"...  So in other words I had to find out just how cruel love can be before I could see whats what.


I know Im not perfect in any way, but I know that I have given love all I could have given so far, so im in peace with it.


People are driven by disappointment all the time, and I'm not one to break the mold.  The following is a poem I wrote about my relationships at one of my weak, mad and wild moments at the end of my last relationship.  This poem shows a side of me I never want to experience ever again.


S. S. S. S (the storm is coming)


"Take me, take me" is what I said,
in return I loved you until it hurt my head,
i didnt mind you under my skin,
I let the your bad parts in,
and made them my own skin.


You declared that our life was a test,
and that you would point out all of my mistakes,
if there really is a poor saint writing all of our sins,
he would take you down to hell first.


Good bye my love,
why are you running?
Is it because the judgement is coming?
As I stare down on top of the world,
just know that you were my storm...


The storm is coming,
Your storm is coming in.

Training day #149

It has been 149 days since I started working out to be an elite Cross Country Skier/Biathlon athlete.  There has been its ups and downs but overall the experience has helped me realize so much about myself and how to deal with everything life has thrown my way.

 Working out involves an incredible amount of running and roller skiing, the nutrition is brutally healthy, intervals are one the more bodily taxing things I have ever done, however the places, views, and people I have had the chance to meet are incredible and totally outweigh the sore and tired muscles I constantly have.

The thing that I am more thankful for is the stress the sport has helped me relief.  I feel like my mind is finally back to where it should be, looking forward to the future and accomplishing things that are worth accomplishing and getting rewarded for the hard work. 

Here are some of the photos for the month of June 2012

Temptation and those who bring it

Throughout this last weekend I have experienced what at first thought it would be a good weekend with new friends but it turned out to be something very disappointing.


There are times when you bend your back backwards for people that in turn offer you nothing in return but the things that can destroy your dreams.


I could have lived a life where I just sit on a couch and let my life slip away or get up everyday and try to do something very unlikely.  I desire the latter... beer, pot, girls, and sex come second to the fulfillment of my right to live.  I might be poor, broken, ugly, boring, or even dumb but at least I know what I want.

Life as it comes... Straight no chaser

As I was going in an easy run today I listened to one of my early favorite bands Bush.  Their Song Straight No chaser is pretty amazing and it brought some pretty good spirited thoughts as I listened to it.


This song relates to me now because of the way I have to look at life after my accident.  I remember laying in the hospital bed thinking "just what am I going to do with my life now?". Well it took about two years to find out that, just like the song says "drink life as it comes... Straight no chaser", I have to move on and find a different calling in my life and just go with it.


The last part of "keep on driving, hair left morning wet" relaxes me.  It tells me to keep going no matter what.  Good Song.


Straight No chaser by Bush

Always be there, face I live with

Always be there, face I live with
Abscess memory with broken fingers
All the fallen down angels, Raw pain distress

It's all in the way we know that we could have it all
Some satellites of pain can't always be ignored
War on all sides, war on all sides

Drink life as it comes, straight no chaser
Life as it comes, straight no chaser
Climb inside you away from strangers
Building a system of alleys and motorways

It's all in the way we know that we could have it all
Some satellites of pain can't always be ignored
It's all in the face of what we thought we knew before
War on all sides, war on all sides, war on all sides

Keep on driving, hair left morning wet
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you

Creep

During my OD run I listened to Korn's rendition of Radiohead's Creep.  Other than being blown away by the amount of feeling Jonathan Davis puts into the song, the lyrics hit me very profoundly.   My favorite part is "But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."  As I run shirtless in order to get over my image issues, I see people in the trail looking at me, not in a bad way but just rightfully surprised, the lyrics hit me in a way not to feel sorry about myself but sarcastically good.  The third verse reminds me a lot of my relationship life, but again I get a feeling of sarcastic vindication though it and through out the whole song.


Creep by Korn


When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
You're so fuckin' special


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.


I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.


She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.


Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special,


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.