Thursday, June 28, 2012

Training day #149

It has been 149 days since I started working out to be an elite Cross Country Skier/Biathlon athlete.  There has been its ups and downs but overall the experience has helped me realize so much about myself and how to deal with everything life has thrown my way.

 Working out involves an incredible amount of running and roller skiing, the nutrition is brutally healthy, intervals are one the more bodily taxing things I have ever done, however the places, views, and people I have had the chance to meet are incredible and totally outweigh the sore and tired muscles I constantly have.

The thing that I am more thankful for is the stress the sport has helped me relief.  I feel like my mind is finally back to where it should be, looking forward to the future and accomplishing things that are worth accomplishing and getting rewarded for the hard work. 

Here are some of the photos for the month of June 2012




Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Temptation and those who bring it

Throughout this last weekend I have experienced what at first thought it would be a good weekend with new friends but it turned out to be something very disappointing.


There are times when you bend your back backwards for people that in turn offer you nothing in return but the things that can destroy your dreams.


I could have lived a life where I just sit on a couch and let my life slip away or get up everyday and try to do something very unlikely.  I desire the latter... beer, pot, girls, and sex come second to the fulfillment of my right to live.  I might be poor, broken, ugly, boring, or even dumb but at least I know what I want.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Life as it comes... Straight no chaser

As I was going in an easy run today I listened to one of my early favorite bands Bush.  Their Song Straight No chaser is pretty amazing and it brought some pretty good spirited thoughts as I listened to it.


This song relates to me now because of the way I have to look at life after my accident.  I remember laying in the hospital bed thinking "just what am I going to do with my life now?". Well it took about two years to find out that, just like the song says "drink life as it comes... Straight no chaser", I have to move on and find a different calling in my life and just go with it.


The last part of "keep on driving, hair left morning wet" relaxes me.  It tells me to keep going no matter what.  Good Song.


Straight No chaser by Bush


Always be there, face I live with
Always be there, face I live with
Abscess memory with broken fingers
All the fallen down angels, Raw pain distress

It's all in the way we know that we could have it all

Some satellites of pain can't always be ignored
War on all sides, war on all sides

Drink life as it comes, straight no chaser

Life as it comes, straight no chaser
Climb inside you away from strangers
Building a system of alleys and motorways

It's all in the way we know that we could have it all

Some satellites of pain can't always be ignored
It's all in the face of what we thought we knew before
War on all sides, war on all sides, war on all sides

Keep on driving, hair left morning wet

There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you
There's nothing like losing you

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Creep

During my OD run I listened to Korn's rendition of Radiohead's Creep.  Other than being blown away by the amount of feeling Jonathan Davis puts into the song, the lyrics hit me very profoundly.   My favorite part is "But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."  As I run shirtless in order to get over my image issues, I see people in the trail looking at me, not in a bad way but just rightfully surprised, the lyrics hit me in a way not to feel sorry about myself but sarcastically good.  The third verse reminds me a lot of my relationship life, but again I get a feeling of sarcastic vindication though it and through out the whole song.


Creep by Korn


When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
You're so fuckin' special


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.


I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.


She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.


Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special,


But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.

The design of no-design


If someone had told me when I was 17 than in a little more than a decade I would be in the middle of nowhere literally running for my life, training to make the US biathlon team I would laugh hysterically, go home and go about my day.


The funny thing about that is that even though I would dismiss the idea, I really had no other idea of what I wanted to do.  My father was gone, my mom was just way too stressed to think or counsel me about what was I suppose to do after I graduated high school, and at that pivotal point in my life, as I am sure many other young people were, the military really sounded like the best thing to do.


My odd upbringing, and the military were a potent combination to provide me with nothing but the notion that I was by myself.  Myself to succeed or fail.


The military did shape the way I carry myself around as far as pulling my weight, however, the knowledge of what kind of weight I should carry and just how much was never thought to me by anyone.  So in other words, I pulled my own weight like a donkey carries a load... Whatever it is, just put it on me and I will carry it until my back breaks.


So what happens when the back breaks but you still a young donkey?  Well if I was a donkey, I would probably be two things: dead or at a petting zoo.  I am not dead, or in a petting zoo and I am certainly not a donkey.  I am the result of a design of no-design, and I AM free to make it my own.